Apparently most of yous don’t have anything better to do, because Pokemon Go is one of the biggest news stories in the country right now not involving horrible death and destruction. “PokeStops” are popping up all over the place—even at the Holocaust museum, which is not massively disrespectful at all.

A cursory Google search shows that it is causing death and destruction. And I swear if I see one more stupid Instagram pic of this garbage, I’m gonna burn the whole place down.
“But it gets our lazy, ungrateful, stupid, smelly, ornery, ugly kids off the couch and outside,” terrible parents are saying. True, but if your kids still have their lazy, ungrateful, stupid, smelly, ornery, ugly faces glued to a screen, does it even count? It’s like you friggin’ hipsters who bring your iPads to the beach so you can post ocean view pics to your GD Facebook in real time. Because no one has ever seen the ocean before. And no one would believe that you went if you didn’t have pictures? If you’re not going to enjoy nature while you’re in nature, don’t even bother. Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against video games. They can be a lot of fun, and anyone who says violent video games inspire real life violence has clearly not been paying attention to society as a whole for the past 20-plus years. But there’s a time and a place for video games, and the time is not during summer and the place is not outside.

If you’ve got kids, and you want them to get off their arses and do something outside, sign ‘em up for a baseball team or Boy/Girl Scouts or build ‘em a treehouse or some such something. They should be playing outside while the weather’s nice and school’s out and it’s daytime, not playing video games outside. Not only does it drain your data plain, it’s just dumb.

I mean, if your kid’s going to get hit by a car (which, gods forbid, but y’know), he/she should at least be riding a bike, not bumbling into traffic whilst chasing an effing Charmalandizard or whatever those craps are called.