Self-promotion ahoy: For background on this story, check out my post from a few weeks back.

Two weeks after the folks at Samsung issued a voluntary recall on the devices, the US CPSC (United States Consumer Product Safety Commission) has announced its official recall of all Galaxy Note 7 phablets. (Dear gods, do I hate that “word”.) So far, however, users have been slow to turn in their gadgets, because apparently they dig when their mobile devices burst into flam

Here’s a fun fact: Following the CPSC’s announcement, all Galaxy Note 7s are illegal. Actually, it’s selling them that’s illegal, but saying it the other way is more dramatic, right? Anyway, the CPSC estimates that about a million of the devices were sold before Samsung’s recall notice. Out of that cool mill, the CPSC reports that there were 92 battery incidents that led to explosions and/or fires—triple the numbers the manufacturer initially reported. Samsung also received 26 reports of users suffering burns, and 55 reports of property damage caused by battery combustion.

Samsung states that only about 130,000 Galaxy Note 7 units have been turned in by users, or just over fifteen percent. Not great numbers considering that the things are honest-to-gods death traps. It’s hard to imagine why someone would wait to turn in a device that can catch fire whilst charging—especially since most people charge their devices overnight while they’re sleeping—but the lack of readily-available replacement phones probably plays a big part. Because gods forbid you people have to pull your faces out of your screens for a while.

Speaking to Android Central yesterday, Samsung stated that “Replacement devices will be available in the United States at most retail locations no later than September 21, 2016.” It seems like a tall order to get over 800,000 phones A) redesigned to prevent the battery combustion problem; B) manufactured; and, C) shipped out and in stores in the next five days, but what do I know? I’m a blogger, not a smartphone manufacturer.

Best of luck, Samsung, and stay safe out there, Galaxy Note 7 users!