Google Flights Will Help You Find Your Precious Wi-Fi

Because gods forbid you have to go a few hours without spewing out status updates no one gives a fudge about or posting intentionally-grainy, oversaturated photos with captions like “#freepeanutsFTW”, Google Flights will now show users which flight options provide onboard wi-fi.

Routehappy for the Flyinglame

The new feature was created through a partnership betwixt the Googs and Routehappy, a service that lets travelers find the “happiest” flights. Routehappy describes these as flights with the best and/or most amenities and roomiest seats. Personally, I’d say the happiest flights are the ones without screaming babies, or anyone under 21 for that matter, as well as those where “roomy” seats are not an issue because everyone’s thin enough to fit in their seats just fine. Eat a salad once in a while, ‘Merica.

Anywho, Google Flight Search will now let users see at a glance which flights provide amenities like the precious, life-sustaining wi-fi so many ‘Mericans need to survive long stretches of inactivity, such as their entire lives.

Because books: how do they work?

Because books: how do they work?

Interestingly, the new Google Flights feature only shows up after users have selected their flight. If it’s going to be an option, it seems like it would be more useful and more efficient to show this info before selecting a flight, but what do I know. I’m not Google.

“Happiness” Factors

“We know people are looking for more information about the flights they’re taking before they buy, so Routehappy Happiness Factors is a great addition to Google Flights,” said Google Travel Director of Business Development and hater of correct grammar Gianni Marostica.

Happiness factors, schmappiness factors, man. Give me the good old days when all people needed to be happy about their flight were a nice, delicious, mid-flight cigarette and arrive at their destination without crashing. Why do people think their happiness is now someone else’s job? If not being able to use your smartphone or tablet on a flight is really going to make you unhappy, mayhap you need to rethink a few things, you miserable b@$tard.

Photo credit: multisanti / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

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